Jason X

Jason X, 2001

The year is 2010. Government scientists working at the Crystal Lake Research Facility have captured infamous and seemingly indestructible killer Jason Voorhees. They plan to cryogenically freeze him, but things go horribly wrong and he escapes. Rowan, sole survivor of the murderous rampage that follows, manages to lure Jason into the cryogenic chamber.

Four hundred years later, the Earth is a contaminated planet, long since traded by humans for a replacement world. A group of students returning to the wasteland on an interplanetary field trip stumble upon the remains of the facility and its two frozen inhabitants.

The group return to their starship and blast-off for Earth II, where they successfully revive Rowan. She warns them to stop there and leave Jason be. But the wheels are already in motion and it isn’t long before the crew comes face-to-face with a shocking, ancient evil.

As Jason begins a new reign of terror, the others look to Rowan to help them silence the age-old threat. But Jason has some new world surprises in store.

The Board Room meeting for the writing of the Jason X script…

SCRIPT WRITER #1: Okay guys, we need a new Friday The 13th. Throw some ideas at me.

SCRIPT WRITER #2: How about… oh, I know, let’s <_____insert good idea here______>… how’s that sound?

SCRIPT WRITER #3: No no no, that would never work.

SCRIPT WRITER #4: I know! Let’s set it in space!

SCRIPT WRITER #1: Yyyyyeaaahhh… that’s not toooo bad….

SCRIPT WRITER #3: And in the future! Say… 2455?

SCRIPT WRITER #1: * big grin* Guys, we’ve got a movie!

* ROOM ERUPTS IN APPLAUSE AND CONGRATULAITONS *

* FILM’S PRODUCER WALKS IN AND REWARDS THE CHIMPS WITH BANANAS *

Yup, I’d say that’s about right.

When you wanna go and grab a horror movie, that has proven itself over the years, and whack the next sequel into space, you’re playing with fire. They did it with Hellraiser: Bloodline, and they did it with Critters 4. Now, they’ve gone and fucked Friday The 13th up the arse as well.

But don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a terrible film. It’s just that, well.. when you set a movie in space and in the future, then you kinda lose that ‘edge’ you have on normal movies. I mean, Friday The 13th parts 1 – 9, they were all on Earth, and you could sorta relate to them. If there was something scary about to happen, it was scary because of the fact that you could somewhat relate to it. But in space? In the future? Meehhhh….

And surely, in another 453 years, technology would have advanced a little bit more than what they were doing. Sure, they could reattach arms and stuff. But Macromedia Flash is already 10 times more advanced than any of the computer programs they were using.

Sounds shite, hey? Well, the reason I said before that it’s NOT crap, is because at the end of the film it’s actually pretty darn funny. I’m not gonna tell you why, you can go and waste – I mean, invest – $13.50 on it and find out yourself. It was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a horror movie in frikkin ages.

Would watch again. 64%.

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