The Antichrist

The Antichrist, 1974

400 years ago. The Devil was exorcised from the body of a whore.

Today, he returns, more powerful and more determined than ever to pour his fowl evil upon the world.

“The Exorcist” showed us the horror of an evil spirit.

“The Antichrist” reveals the devil himself.

Some lady, whose name I think was Napolitana (mmm, Napolitana…) is paralysed from the waist down. She goes to visit a healing statue but it doesn’t help her. She gets back home, undergoes some hypno-therapy and finds out that in her past life she was burnt at the stake for being a witch.

Day by day, she starts becoming more and more like she was in her past life, then she goes through this wacky dream sequence (more on this later) and the devil possesses her. It’s up to her family and the priests to save her from Satan, blah blah blah, Exorcist rip-off, blah blah.

The running time on this is 111 minutes. If I watched this movie 6 times, I would have watched it for 666 minutes. Spooky.

Unfortunately, if I watched it 6 times, I’d die from boredom. They could’ve done the same movie in about 70 minutes, and cut the rest of the crap out. I probably would’ve gotten bored with it then anyway. It just didn’t hold my attention at all.

Now that you know what I thought of the film, let’s point out some scenes that particularly grabbed my attention…

First: she’s paralysed from the legs down, right? So that means that she can’t use her legs, right? Wrong. Because this particular paraplegic can freakin’ drive! That’s right! And I’m not talking about an electric wheelchair, I’m talking big-arse fucking car.

And now for the dream / initiation sequence. She’s lying on her bed, in her bedroom. At the same time, her Dad and some lady (his wife is dead, so it’s not her) and starting to get naked. Cut back to Napolitana, and she’s getting all sweaty and excited. Cut back to her Dad, and he’s sucking on that lady’s tits. Cut back to Napolean (or whatever her name is) and she’s getting naked too.

So ANYWAY… she starts having flash backs to her previous life, and we see some Satanic ritual that she participated in. So what happens is that in the flash back, some Satan guy feeds her the head of a toad, and then you cut back to Napolitana and she’s chewing as if it was her eating the head. Cut to the flash back, see her eating the head. Okay? So the point is, what she did in her past life, she’s doing right now.

Next, they pour some blood on the ground next to her, and tell her to lick it up. She does so, cut to present day, she’s making licking motions, yup it makes sense. THEN! In the flash back, some guy walks out with a goat, and gives it to Mr Satan. He walks it close to Ye Olde Napolitana’s head, turns it around, and lifts up it’s tail. Yes, the camera gives us a nice close up shot of a fucking goat’s arse. And I’m talking ‘arse’. I’m not going into any more detail, it was disgusting. Then you cut to the present day, and she’s making all these fucking licking motions with her tongue! Not just licking, wriggling!! WHY OH GOD WHY!?!?

Unfortunately, I own this video. It cost me $2.95 and it was a waste of money. 23%.

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